A Christmas Story

So before he was diagnosed with cancer, we were having sex on Christmas and he called me, "White Bitch." Yes, I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

I said, "What did you say?"

He started back peddling with, "I was just talking dirty...I didn't mean to ruin the mood."

But I think I said something like, "Tell me how much you love this white bitch.” Then I told the story all over town because it is FUNNY once you get over the shock and offense of it all. I think we broke through a barrier because I had been reading him part of the short story about him and how his mother doesn't want him to be with a white woman—how white people eat baked beans, like I did growing up at my Grandma's, how we are trying to figure out why we keep fucking after all these years. Is it jungle fever?

We had this moment where he was complaining about how it's always tit for tat with me. I said, “I'm not good at relationships.”

He said, “Me either.” He gave me a bottle of champagne that he took from catering a party. He asked, "What did you get me for Christmas?"

I said, "Nothing, what did you want?"

He said, “Something from the heart.”

I feel like I've given him my heart, so why does he want something from my heart?

Then we had this conversation about socks, how he needed socks or something…I can’t even remember the context. I said, “I’ll get you some socks from the beach.”

He complained, “They're cheap. No, I’ll get my own socks from Target, they're better.”

When my sister’s husband died, I got boxes of stuff. In one, was a necklace of a naked man and a woman entwined in an embrace.

So the next time him and I were together, I told him this story about socks, my heart, and how I was lying in bed one night when I realized I wanted to give him the necklace because he was the best sex I’ve ever had. He said, “Thanks for the story. I’ve heard it. It’s from the heart. Keep the necklace, because I’ll lose it.”

So when my healer gave me these “KAMA FOOTRA, the socks you won’t want to take off in bed!” that she was gifted from someone because they weren’t her style, I thought it was like God giving me the perfect gift for him.

Maybe after he puts on his underwear in case he has to run out, he can put on his socks too.